为您找到与英式幽默 笑话大全相关的共200个结果:
Good News And Bad News(英汉对照)
"There's good news and bad news," the divorce lawyer told his client.
"I could sure use some good news," sighed the client. "What's it?"
"Your wife isn't demanding that your future inheritances be included in the settlement."
"And the bad news?"
"After the divorce, she's marrying your father."
好消息和坏消息
“有好消息,也有坏消息,”离婚律师告诉他的当事人。
“我总能利用一些好消息吧,”当事人吧了口气说,“是什么好消息?”
“你妻子没有要求将你未来的继承财产也划入裁决的范围。”
“那么坏消息呢?”
“离婚以后,她将与你父亲结婚。”
On our way to a wedding in Vermont, my husband and I realized we had forgotten our camera. We stopped at a general store and, hoping to purchase a cheap, disposable model. Sal asked the owner, "Do you have any of those throwaway cameras?"
"Look, fella," replied the owner, "I don't care what you do with it after you buy it."
照 相 机
在前往威蒙特参加一个婚礼的路上,我和丈夫意识到我们忘了带照相机。我们在一家百货商店门前停了下来,希望能够买到一种便宜的,一次性照相机。萨尔问店主:“你们有那种用了就扔的照相机吗?”
“我说,小伙子,”店主回答说,“我可不管你买了之后怎么处理它。”
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On our way to a wedding in Vermont, my husband and I realized we had forgotten our camera. We stopped at a general store and, hoping to purchase a cheap, disposable model. Sal asked the owner, "Do you have any of those throwaway cameras?"
"Look, fella," replied the owner, "I don't care what you do with it after you buy it."
照 相 机
在前往威蒙特参加一个婚礼的路上,我和丈夫意识到我们忘了带照相机。我们在一家百货商店门前停了下来,希望能够买到一种便宜的,一次性照相机。萨尔问店主:“你们有那种用了就扔的照相机吗?”
“我说,小伙子,”店主回答说,“我可不管你买了之后怎么处理它。”
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A man was telling one of his friends the secret of his contented married life, "My wife makes all the small decisions," he explained, "and I make all the big ones, so we never interfere in each other's business and never get annoyed with each other. We have no complaints and no arguments."
"That sounds reasonable," answered his friend sympathetically. "And what sort of decisions does your wife make?"
"Well," answered the man, "she decides what jobs I apply for, what sort of house we live in, what furniture we have, where we go for our holidays, and things like that."
His friend was surprised. "Oh?" he said. "And what do you consider important decisions then?"
"Well," answered the man, "I decide who should be Prime Minister, whether we should increase our help to poor countries, what we should do about the atom bomb, and things like that."
一个男人告诉他的朋友自己婚姻幸福美满的秘密,“小事都由我妻子决定,”他解释说:“而我只管大事,我们从不互相干涉,从不生对方的气。我们从来没有抱怨、没有争吵。”
“听起来很有道理,”他的朋友深有同感,“有哪些事情由你妻子作决定呢?”
“嗯,”那个人回答说:“她决定我申请什么工作,我们住什么房子,买什么家具,去哪里度假这些事情。”
他的朋友很惊奇的问道:“哦?那么你决定哪些重要事情?”
“嗯,”他回答:“我决定谁来当首相,我们是否要增加对贫困国家的援助,怎么处理原子弹等等这些问题。”
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A woman walks into a pet shop and sees a cute little dog. She asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”
一个妇人走进一家宠物店,看见一只很可爱的小狗。她问店主:“你的狗咬人吗?”
The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bite.”
店主说:“不,我的狗不咬人。”
The woman tries to pet the dog and the dog bites her.
于是这个妇人试着抚摸小狗,可是小狗却咬了她。
“Ouch!” She says, “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”
“哎哟!”妇人说,“我想你刚才还说你的狗不咬人。”
The shopkeeper replies, “That is not my dog!”
店主人回答说:“那不是我的狗。”
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笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面读文网小编为大家带来双语幽默短笑话,欢迎大家阅读!
Richer Allan was so forgetful that sometimes he forgot what he was talking about in the middle of a sentence. His wife has to constantly remind him about his appointments,his classes一even his meals.Since Allan was a professor at a well一known university,his forgetfulness was often an embarrassment. It was not that he was not intelligent,as some critical people,tended to say. He was just very,very absent-minded.
理查德·艾伦非常健忘,以至于有时候他会忘记自己在说什么,因此他的妻子不得不经常提醒他去赴约,去上课—甚至去吃饭。可是作为一名知名大学的教授,艾伦的健忘症却经常让他很难堪。但这并不像一些吹毛求疵的人说的那样是因为他并不聪明,他只不过非常、非常健忘。
One hot summer day,Professor Allan decided to take his children to the beach. The seaside town he planed to visit was about a three一hour train ride away. To make the trip more interesting for his children,he kept the name of the town a secret. Unfortunately,by the time Allan had arrived the train station,the poor forgetful man had forgotten the name of the destination himself. Luckily,a friend of his happened to be in the station. He offered to take care of his children,while Allan went back home to find out where he was going.
在一个炎热的夏日,艾伦教授打算带上他的孩子们到海滩去。去海边小镇大约得坐三个小时的火车。为了让这次旅行更有趣,他一直没告诉孩子小镇的名字。不幸得很,当艾伦到达火车站的时候,这个可怜的健忘的人把目的地忘得一干二净了。不过幸亏他的一个朋友恰好在火车站,于是他帮助艾伦照顾孩子们,而艾伦则回家问问他到底要去哪儿。
The professor's wife was surprised to see him again so soon,but she was amused when she heard what the matter was. She distributed his memory,so she wrote the name of the town on a piece of paper. Satisfied that she had solved the problem,she sent her husband off again. Ten minutes later she was astonished to see him outside the house again. What was the matter now? The professor had forgotten where he had left his children.
教授的妻子见他这么快就回来了,感到非常吃惊,但当她知道事情始末的时候却被逗乐了。她信不过丈夫的记忆力,于是就把小镇的名字写在一张纸上。当解决完问题之后,她满意地目送丈夫又一次离去。但是十分钟之后他又回到了门外,她大吃一惊。现在又怎么了?原来是教授忘了他把孩引门留在哪儿了。
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笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面读文网小编为大家带来幽默双语短笑话精选带翻译,欢迎大家阅读!
Applying for my first job,I realized I had to be creative in listing my few qualifications.Asked about additional schooling and training,I answered truthfully that I had spent three years in computer programming classes. I got the job.
在一次求职时,我意识到在列举我所具备的为数不多的条件时,得有点创造性。当问及我是否受过其他的倍训时,我老实地回答说我花了三年时间学计算机程序设计课。我得到了那份工作。
I had neglected to mention that I took the same course for three years before I passed.
我没有提到那门功课我重复学了三年才考及格。
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幽默英语小笑话不仅是放松的一种方式,还是我们学习英语的一种方法。下面读文网小编为大家带来轻松幽默英语笑话精选,欢迎大家阅读!
A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says,“Imagine there are five blackbirds sitting on a fence. You pick up your gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left”
一个小男孩在上算术课。老师问他:“假设篱笆上站着5只画眉。你用枪打死了一只,还剩几只?”
The litter boy thinks for a moment and says“None !”
小男孩想了一会回答说:“一只也没有了!
The teacher replies,“None,how do youfigure that?”
老师说:“一只也没了?你是怎么想出来的?”
The little boy says,“If I shoot one,all the other birds will fly away scared,leaving none on the fence.”
小男孩答道:“打死一只,其他的都吓飞了,篱笆上自然一只画眉也没有了。”
The teacher replies,"Hmmmmm, not exactly,but I do like the way you think"
老师赞许地说:“嗯,不全对,但我欣赏你思考问题的方式!”
The little boy then says,"Teacher, can I ask you a question?There are three women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone,another is biting it, and the third one is sucking it.How can you tell me which one of the women is married?”
小男孩于是说:“老师,我能问你一个问题吗?有三个妇女坐在公园的长椅上吃甜筒冰激凌。一个用舌头舔,一个用牙咬,一个用嘴吸,你说她们中哪一个结婚了?”
The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies,"Well,I guess the one sucking her cone.”
老师感到很不自在,他想了很大一会儿,最后回答说:“嗯,我猜应该是那个用嘴吸的吧。”
To which the little boy replies,“Actually,it’s the one with the wedding ring,but I do like the way you think”
听了老师的话,小男孩说:“答案是那个戴戒指的,虽然你答错了,但是我真的很欣赏您思考问题的方式。”
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在繁忙的生活中需要英语笑话来放松我们的心情,下面读文网小编为大家带来放松幽默英语笑话,希望大家喜欢!
The famous Dr. Smith,dean of Medical College,was appointed private physician to the King. Whereupon he proudly wrote the following notice on the blackboard of his classes:“Professor Smith informs his students that he has been appointed Honorary Physician to His Majesty the King.”
医学院院长,著名的史密斯博士被任命为国王的私人医生。于是,他自豪地在他任教的班里的教室里的黑板上写下如下通知:“史密斯教授通知他的学生,他已荣任国王陛下的医生。”
When he returned to his classroom in the afternoon,he found written below his notice this line: "God save the King”
当他下午回到教室的时候,发现他的通知下面又加了一行字:“愿上帝保佑国王!
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阅读英语笑话是放松心情的一种好方法,下面读文网小编为大家带来英语幽默轻松笑话精选,希望大家喜欢!
In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music,the teacher asked one of the boys,"What is the most important physiological quality of a musician”
在一次音乐学院的入学考试中,老师问一位应试的小伙子:“音乐家最重要的生理素质是什么?”
"To be deaf,”replied the boy.
“耳聋。”小伙子回答说。
"Nonsense”said the teacher angrily
“胡说!”老师愤怒地说。
"Why, sirs Don't you know that the most famous musician Beethoven was deaf?”the boy asked in reply disdainfully.
“怎么了,先生!您难道连鼎鼎大名的音乐家贝多芬是个聋子都不知道吗?”小伙子轻蔑地反问道。
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阅读英语笑话是我们放松的一种方式,下面读文网小编为大家带来幽默搞笑英语小笑话,欢迎大家阅读收藏!
On her return from school,little Dolly, aged ten,was pulled on to her Daddy's knee,and informed that the fairies had that day brought a big surprise-a little baby brother.She seemed glad,and presently said:
放学回到家里,十岁的小多莉被拉过来坐在她爸爸的膝上,她被告知那天仙女们带来了一个大大的惊奇—一个婴儿小弟弟。她似乎很高兴,马上说:
"Will you give me a stamp,daddy?I want to write and tell brother Tom.
“爸爸,你能不能给我一张邮票?我要写信告诉汤姆哥哥。”
The father was touched by this,and provided the little lass with the materials to write a letter to her brother,who was away at school.Later,curious to know how she would tell the news,he took an opportunity to read what she had written.He received something of a shock on reading the following:
父亲被这话感动了,他为小姑娘提供了给她哥哥写信所需的各种用具,她的哥哥住在学校里。后来,想知道她是怎么报告这个消息的,他找机会读了她写的信。在读到下面这两行字时,他差点儿惊呆了:
“Dear Tom,
“亲爱的汤姆:
It's come off today.You've lost;it's a boy.”
今天结果出来了,你输了;是个男孩。”
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笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松,在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面读文网小编为大家带来幽默趣味英语笑话精选,欢迎大家阅读!
Creighton was going along a West end square when he saw a little fellow trying to reach the knocker of a large house.
当克莱顿教授沿着伦敦西区的一个广场走着的时候,他看见一个小家伙正试图抓住一所大房子的门环。
"Can’t you reach up so high? "asked the professor kindly.
“你是不是够不到这么高的地方呢?”教授好意地问。
"No,Slr,”said the small youngster.
“是的,先生。”那小孩说。
"Well, then, let me help you,”and the professor mounted the three steps and gave a splendid rat-tat.
“那好,让我来帮你。”教授登上那三级台阶,在门上重重扣了几下。
The little boy glanced hastily at the gentleman of the cloth. "Come on,”he yelled,"we must both run away.”
那个小男孩急忙给教授递上一个眼色。“快跑,”他喊着:“我们俩都得跑。”
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笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松,在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面读文网小编为大家带来幽默搞笑双语笑话,希望大家喜欢!
Mother asked her litter daughter who was reading a book,"What are you reading,dear?”
妈妈问正在读书的女儿:“亲爱的,你读的是什么书?
"I don’t know,”the litter girl answered.
女儿回答道:“我不知道。”
"You don't know? But you were reading aloud,so you must know.”
“你不知道?你不是在朗读吗?你应该知道的。”
"I was reading aloud,mummy,but I wasn't listening,”explained the child.
女儿解释说:“我是在朗读,可我没有听。”
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“哪里有人,哪里就有笑声。”从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。下面读文网小编为大家带来幽默轻松双语小笑话,希望大家喜欢!
Julia was saying her bedtime prayers."Please God,"she said,“Make Naples the capital of ltaly. Make Naples the capital of ltaly.”
朱丽叶在做睡前祷告。“上帝啊,”她说道,“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”
Her mother interrupted and said,"Julia,why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?”
妈妈打断她说:“朱丽叶,你为什么要求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢?”
And Julia replied,“Because that is what I put in my geography exam!”
朱丽叶回答说:“因为我在地理考卷上是这么写的。”
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笑话在人们的日常生活中起着重要放松方式,下面读文网小编为大家带来搞笑幽默英语笑话附翻译,希望大家喜欢!
On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they wouldn't have to stand on their toes all the time.
看完芭蕾舞表演,幼儿园的老师在回家的路上问她班里的孩子们感觉怎么样。班里最小的一个女孩说,她希望演员们个子再高点就好了,这样就不用蹈着脚跳了。
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笑话在人们的日常生活中起着重要放松方式,下面读文网小编为大家带来幽默搞笑英语短笑话附翻译,欢迎大家阅读!
One afternoon while I was talking to a professor,my two-year-old daughter, Lily wandered into a nearby classroom. There was a math class in progress and,to my dismay,Lily sat down in the front row.
一天下午,当我和一位教授谈话时,我两岁的女儿莉莉走进了旁边的一间教室。教室正在上数学课,使我惊愕的是,莉莉进去在第一排坐下了。
When I went in to get her, the instructor stopped me. "Young lady,”he said,“I have been teaching calculus at this college for over 20 years. In that time,not once has anyone come to my class just he or she wanted to. The child may stay.”’
当我进去想把她弄出来时,讲课的教师拦住了我。“夫人,”他说,“我在这所大学里教微积分已经二+几年了。在这段时间里从没有人自愿来听我的课。让孩子待在这吧。”
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笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”,在我们的日常生活中起着重要放松作用。下面读文网小编为大家带来经典幽默英语小笑话带翻译,希望大家喜欢!
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year,his history professor failed him in his examinations,and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However,his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.
杰克在一所大学学历史。第一学期结束时,历史课教授没让他及格。学校让他退学。然而,杰克的父亲决定去见教授,强烈要求让杰克继续来年的学业。
"He’s a good boy,"said Jack’s father,"and if you let him pass this time,I’m sure he’II improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.”
“他是个好孩子,”杰克的父亲说,“您要是让他这次及格,我相信他明年会有很大进步,学期结束时,他一定会考好的。”
"No,no,that’s quite impossible,"replied the professor immediately.“Do you know,last month I asked him when Napoleon had died,he didn't know”
“不,不,那不可能,”教授马上回答,“你知道吗?上个月我问他拿破仑什么时候死的,他都不知道。”
"Please sir, give him another chance,"said Jack’s father. "You see I'm afraid we don’t take any newspaper in our house,so none of us even knows that Napoleon was ill,"
“先生,请再给他一次机会吧。”杰克的父亲说,“你不知道,恐怕是因为我们家没有订报纸。我们家的人连拿破仑病了都不知道。”
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想用轻松愉快的心情来学习英语吗?下面读文网小编为大家带来英语幽默短笑话带翻译,希望大家喜欢!
Our teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in someschools today.
我们的老师正在给我们介绍现在某些学校使用的一种新的记忆训练系统。
“It works like this,”she said. "Suppose you wanted to remember the name of a poet-Robert Burns,for instance.”She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns.“Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman,a bobby in flames. See? Bobby Burns!”
“这个系统是这样的,”她说。“假定你要记住一个诗人的名字一一例如,要记住罗伯特·彭斯的名字。”她告诉我们把他当作博比·彭斯。“让你的脑海里闪现出一个伦敦警察的形象,燃烧着的警察。明白吗?警察燃烧!”
“I see what you mean,”said the class know it all.“But how can you tell that it's not Robert Browning?”
“我明白你的意思,”班上的万事通说。“但是你怎么能说那就不是罗伯特·布朗宁呢?”
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